August- September 2015

Felix is now Six month's old 

 Papa & Lydia on the pier in Jersey City 

 Lydia & I in Jersey City 

Katie & Milo tied the knot 

Memorial Necklace

Yesterday my memorial necklace for the Walkerbot arrived. It's lovely.

The Miscarriage

In June I underwent my second uterine surgery in just over three years. This time they had to repair scar tissue caused by the surgery in 2007. It all started pretty similarly to the first time I had polyps, extra unexplained bleeding and it was just weird. So I had a sonohystogram performed again (however this one was quite uncomfortable due to the scar tissue) and they found the scar tissue that had seemingly cause my uterus to grow together in some spots. Lovely. So the week after we returned from Yellowstone National Park I had the scar tissue repaired and another polyp removed. Apparently my body is a polyp factory these days. So my doctor suggested that we start trying to conceive before another polyp grew in there and caused more problems that would lead to another surgery. Given this news from my doctor Jordan and I discussed the issue and decided that we really wanted children so that sorta trumped the oh but we want to do this in life card. I had the surgery, waited one cycle and we were on the trying to conceive (TTC) wagon. The first month was pretty uneventful and we didn't really do anything but ovulation predictor kits (opk) to try and help our chances. That month was a flop. We were both disappointed but we had the knowledge that it could take six months to a year for a perfectly healthy couple. Month two of TTC came and I started charting to try and determine when I was ovulating since my cycles are so crazy. I had been reading pre-pregnancy and pregnancy books since May, it is August by now. Early September and we are a few days from going to NY to visit Katie and I got a very faint positive. The next day the line was gone. Then two days before our trip to NY I got another faint positive- okay body enough with the practical jokes. I was only 11 days past ovulation at this point. Day twelve came and went with nothing was again. I usually get my period on day twelve; no period. Day thirteen the day before we leave for Katie's and hello one very painful period. Lovely, it looks as though we had a chemical pregnancy. Jordan seemed pretty let down and I was but it didn't hit me too hard. We go to NY and just had fun. I went stroller shopping and fell in love with the stroller I plan to purchase when a baby arrives.

We came home from New York and were back on the TTC wagon. I had read an article about men having undescended testicles having trouble with conceiving so we have Jordan all checked out. We are both thrown for a loop when one of the numbers comes back a little low but we don't lose hope. We wait a few more weeks and have him tested again and make a visit to a urologist (who we both liked a lot) and this time the results are better than good. My chart looks insane that month and it looks like I didn't even ovulate. I go in for blood work to confirm if I did or not and surprise I did. A few days go by and before long it's 9dpo and that evening we got the first faint positive. I felt crazy because it was so faint it was barely visible but I know what I am seeing. I continued testing a few more days and the line continues to get darker. We conceived! How exciting?! Jordan and I both feel like we are so lucky because it happened so quickly. We make a quick trip to Burlington to share the good news. 10-10-10 will forever be that day of happiness and excitement with his parents. We've already told Katie the day before.

The Walkerbot October 23rd 2010

A couple weeks later I start having bleeding accompanied with pain. Go to the doctor, everything looks okay will have to undergo blood work before we know if I miscarried or not. So I have several days of blood work done- numbers double like they should. Yay! The Walkerbot survived whatever that was.

We go for our first ultrasound. The baby doesn't look like it should to the tech but that's because they aren't going off my conception date but my lmp. Then I have one more round of blood work and the number should be around 2500- it's only 911. The pregnancy is then classified as abnormal. Two doctors have two very different opinions about what to do. One doctor wants me to receive an injection of methotrexate in case this is an ectopic pregnancy not just a failing pregnancy. The other wants me to wait it out over the weekend and see what happens the next week.


Halloween is approaching. I have a rather nasty cold and just spend most of the week on the sofa. Friday the 29th comes and Jordan has yet to get part of his costume. No matter how bad I feel I get dressed and off to Wal-Mart we go. Then the cramping started. It was painful but nothing awful at first. We get the costume, have embarassing argument in public, grab dinner and come home. The cramps increase in pain and frequency. I start bleeding. We call the on call doctor and he says to get off my feet and rest. About two hours into the cramps I realize they are contractions. Like clockwork, every 20, 18, 15, 12, 10, 8 minutes. By the time they hit every 8 minutes we are in the emergency room. I check in and by the time the doctor comes around to examine me the contractions are about every two or three minutes. I pass the gestational sac while he is examining me. He removes it with a long q-tip and places it in a pathology cup. I'm okay up to this point. The doctor isn't convinced that everything is done. I endure a rather uncomfortable foley catheter combined with an ultrasound and nothing is visible. My contractions stopped the moment I passed the sac but now I have this really uncomfortable catheter in. After waiting a really long time for the doctor to say that my HCG did not drop enough for his liking I am told I have to receive the injection of methotrexate. No longer a happy camper by any means. I received the injection. We got home around 4am. I spent the next few days either crying or just sorta numb feeling. I still felt pregnant for a day or two and then it stopped. It's been a little over a month since then. I still have until February before we can try again thanks to the methotrexate.

It's been one extremely difficult month. Dealing with shifting hormones, depression and trauma from everything that happened, adjusting to the fact that I am no longer pregnant and just trying to find a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm still sad. How can I not be? My baby died and I had to see it placed in a plastic sterile cup so it could be sent off to be microscopically analyzed.

I have good days and bad days but overall I feel like I'm doing really well. I'm sorta just counting the days now until we can try again. Here's hoping we have a beautiful baby this time next year

Yarn Sale!

Moda Dea Washable Wool-
$4

Brown Sheep Lamb's Pride Super Wash
$7
this yarn has a pink tint to it-

Debbie Bliss Pure Cotton
$6 ea

Plymouth Yarn Encore Colors
$4

Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino
$6 ea

Wool in the Woods- Pizazz. purchased at $21.95 a hank.
2 hanks shown
sell $14 ea

Plymouth Yarn Company Jeannee
purchased at $2.99 a skein
sell $2ea

Plymouth Yarn Company Bamboo Garden
purchased at $6.99
sell $4.00ea

Classic Elite Yarns
Lush Angora Wool
sell price for pink and black $5ea
sell price for green and blue $10ea

Retired Lion Brand Wool-Ease Tweed
sell price $3ea

Lang Malibu Pink Blue Multi
Sell Price $10

Caron Simply Soft Tweed
$3

Lambs Pride Cotton Fleece
$7 each

Cascade Bulky Fixation
DISCONTINUED $4 each

Berroco Duo
$ 7ea

Bernat Softee Chunky
$ 4

Artful Yarns Candy
$5ea

Artful Yarns Candy
$5ea

I have A LOT of yarn. This is well known among my knitting friends and family. Every hank, ball or skein has a story to tell. I've taken many trips since I learned to knit and it is very rare that I come home without yarn in tow.

It's time to destash.


I want to open up space for other yarns and for finished projects.

So here is all the yarn that I have up for sale...

Twenty-Ten

-Purl Soho-

-Central Park November-

-ROLLER DERBY-

-Zoo-

-Epic Holiday party-

-My 25th Birthday-

-We had this on our front porch for a few weeks before Halloween & then on Halloween I wore the outfit and scared all the neighborhood kids... best Halloween EVER!-

- our 90lb pumpkin that Ken grew for us :)-

-Coraline trying to not be eaten by a zombie-

-brains-

good-bye 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR! and all that stuff. It's January 2010... wow. I have to say that as a child I thought by this time we'd have flying cars and live in a very 'Jetson' like world. I have yet to decide if the world we live in is even close to my childhood expectations, but it's the world we are in. I guess in the grand scheme it's a pretty interesting time and we have made great technological advances since our elementary days, I mean I carry a computer in my pocket everyday. If in 1994 you would have told me that I would have a phone that was also something that browsed the internet (which I knew nothing of at the time) and played games etc I would have thought you were an escapee from an institution. It's our world. It's no flying cars and space helmets but it is a time that is quickly advancing in the technology department.

My 2009 brought about so many adventures and trying times but I am proud to say that I am entering 2010 with a new understanding of my life, my goals and my dreams. I can look at who I was and make judgment, see who I am today and look forward to who I hope to be in 5, 10 years. I made great personal strides during 2009 and it is all coming together to make for a very happy 2010.

I have regained a functional relationship with my Mom and I am happy with where it is now. My expectations are lower, but not in a degrading way, I have just come to terms with what my parents can emotionally offer me. I have also learned what boundaries I need to establish in order to not be so negatively affected if and or when things don't work out the way I had hoped they would.

My relationship with my Dad is still an odd one, but I am not torn when I don't hear from him for long extended periods of time. I accept him and I look forward to the times we do talk or see each other but I don't dwell on the times we don't. It's a good mental compromise.

In 2009 I had several conversations with the Grandmother who raised me, and many were tear jerkers for me. They went against every instinct that I have but in the end I think they worked out well. I was able to express my anger and pain about our former lives that I had not previously been able to. I know that most of my family still sees me as a child but for the first time there was a moment where I think she heard me for the adult I have been for many years. The best part of this was the power was in my hands and I dictated contact, not her.

Jordan and I bought a home which changed our daily lives. I have started cooking more and I have gotten into running and made some changes to my life and I am hoping to continue all those healthy changes in 2010.

I don't have resolutions this year. I just don't. I feel like I would rather focus on improving my daily routines and the organization of my life than set goals. We'll see how the first few months go.

I have hopes for 2010- things that pertain to my health, my hobbies, my marriage and my friendships. So we'll see where those things lead over the next 12 months.

Happy 2010!

Summer Heat

As the last days of July are approaching it hits me that I have seriously neglected my blog. If it were a living thing it would have been dead quite some time ago. The last time that I sat down and actually added to it was in June and to say the least much has happened since then.

June was fun and busy. The No Doubt Paramore concert came to Raleigh, World Wide Knit in Public day, Roller Derby, summer kayaking (every weekend), Christian turned 4 and the best thing, we put in an offer on a home!

The last weekend of June we put in an offer on a home in Apex NC- and here almost a month later we are days away from moving in. Let's not just skip ahead to August though, July has been full and busy.

First thing- July 3rd 2009 as we played in our apartment pool I hit my head on the bottom of it. Three hours, one cat scan and $4k(thank goodness for awesome health insurance) later our trip to the ER was over and I was free to go home with a huge bump on my head and some minor blurried vision. My head was super tender the next few days but I was normal by that weekend.

We spent July 4th with Heidi and Shawn setting off fireworks, eating grilled barbecue chicken and enjoying the summer evening. Pickles handled the fireworks pretty well- she stayed inside with the other doggies and waited for us to return inside to snuggle on the sofa.

Jordan is now a Technical Artist at Epic- no longer and environment artist. I think he is enjoying it, mainly because he has been staying late so much just because he wants to. I am definitely happy for him with this new step in his career.

Tomorrow is July 30th and we close on our first home. It is beginning to settle in that I am going to be in a house this weekend and I am quite excited about the entire thing. No more neighbors literally right outside your door. Saturday we move in and pay our last month's rent forever!

Eventually I will get around to posting some pictures-- eventually will I return to my typical life.

NO DOUBT & Paramore

Monday night I went to see No Doubt and Paramore with Heidi, Heather, Melissa and Allison. Let's just say that was my favorite concert, ever. Aerosmith was fun, Les Claypool was great both times, and of course I loved Common and N.E.R.D but No Doubt was the best!

The traffic was horrific. We were on the interstate stopped for about 2-3 miles before the exit and then once you exited it was still another 2 miles to the actual place.

Good times to be had in traffic

FiNaLlY! in our seats!

Supafan Mel- excited!

Mel- Alli-Heather-Heidi

In another 5-10 years I'd like to go see Paramore again, I think they
will have developed enough to deliver a fun concert

Spiderwebs. I lost my mind I think. I was one of those girls in 1997
with this astheir answering machine message. Yep.

Their set was all white, clean and impressive. Had a very fluid feel to it. Loved it.

Second costume. It was shiny checkerboard.

Decent seats.

Adrian in striped long john bottoms and of course a pink tutu.

Loved it.

Simple kind of life.

Sunday Morning!

the Final bow.